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Disclaimer: The following three entries reference some controversial topics. I am not trying to take sides one way or the other. I firmly believe that every parent needs to choose what is best for his/her family no matter what the media says. My child does not have autism, nor am I a medical professional.
I’ve recently read a few articles that have really opened my eyes to the way public health scares begin and how information is delivered. Because they are topics that are top of mind for me (BPA, Autism, Breastfeeding) I’ve really taken note.
Part 1: Autism and Vaccines
The first article I read was a Newsweek article on the link between autism and vaccines. It outlined how this theory got started and how it spread from there. Basically, one doctor was doing research on something else, and saw a minor link between the MMR vaccine and children having autism and announced it. It ran in a well-respected medical journal and spread like wildfire. It was later revealed that this study was highly flawed and only done on a test group of 12 children. However, it managed to cause worldwide panic and gave birth to the theory that we need to “green our vaccines.” Because of well-known spokespeople like Jenny McCarthy, this theory gets more air time than the more medically proven ones. Think about it — as a parent, are you going to relate more to another mother that is desperately trying to figure out what caused this in her child and how to fix or cure it (especially if you are a parent of an autistic child) or some doctor that you’ve never heard of from some prestigious hospital? The article goes on to talk about how it’s very hard to prove a negative (ex. vaccines do not cause autism) especially once the general public has already been scared into believing otherwise. The moral of this story is that because one well-known researcher presented a scientific theory that was not properly formulated, millions of dollars are being spent to disprove something when that money could be going towards helping families afflicted by this disease.
It’s funny. After reading Modern Mom’s post the other day, I’m thinking maybe our families should join each other for dinner out. Restaurant dining has never been our toddler’s strong suit. Even as an infant, she rarely stayed quiet long enough for my husband and I to enjoy a meal out. I know some people would simply say that restaurants and toddlerhood are an impossible match. But that’s just not us. We enjoy eating out, and we’re not trying to take our 2-year-old to any fine dining establishments – but even the local diner, pizza place, or kid-friendly Bugaboo Creek have posed their challenges. We come equipped with books, quiet toys, crayons and snacks, but still she can rarely sit still long enough for us to eat our own meals and she almost never eats any of her own, despite the fact that any meals out are always planned around her schedule. This past weekend, however, we did have one unmitigated restaurant success. We had lunch at a small place where she enjoyed playing with the salt and pepper shakers, ate her chicken, and sat the entire time in her own booster seat (only alternating occasionally from her bum to her knees). She even used the bathroom mid-meal and came back to her lunch. There was no special trick, nothing we did differently from any of the other times we’ve taken her out, no magic bullet. SO, my husband and I have been heaping praise on her ever since (positive reinforcement is something I’m trying to make a deliberate effort to work on), hoping it will be the start of a new era. I wonder what tricks other moms have had success with.
Earth Hour takes place tomorrow at 8:30 p.m. wherever you live. By switching off your lights for one hour, you can show your support of the Earth and take a stand against global warming.
For months my daughter has been dancing and twirling around our living room, dining room, her room…pretty much the whole house. She loves to wear skirts and often asks for a ballerina bun in her hair. So, I was thrilled when I found an inexpensive “Bitty Ballet” class at our local YMCA so that she could try out some real lessons. I was sure she would love it! And, to be perfectly honest, I couldn’t wait to see her dancing around in her little leotard, tights and ballet shoes. The first two lessons were ok, not great. She spent the first 10 min in my lap – refusing to leave my arms. I spent the next 10 minutes doing ballet with her, and then she had a ball for the last 10 minutes – although, she had a hard time keeping up because she kept checking herself out in the mirror. I was glad I hadn’t spent hundreds of dollars signing her up for lessons at the local dance studio. Last weekend was our third lesson. It was a huge success. She participated, very happily, for the entire lesson. She danced and twirled and did “real ballerina” moves for 30 minutes. The difference last weekend was that I stayed out in the hallway. Sure, I was peeking through the glass door, and still managed to take a few pictures; but she was on her own. I guess I just need to learn when to get out of her way. 
My husband and I eat out with the children pretty often, usually about once a week. We choose places that are kid-friendly, and – for the most part – the kids are pretty well behaved. But last night my father and I took the brood out for an early supper, which they, it seems, mistook for an outing to the playground. My 4-year-old decided she’d be more comfortable sitting under the table than “at” the table. My almost-2-year-old kept standing up in his high chair and reaching over the table so that the chair was tipped on its front legs. The seat belt was no help in restraining him. My 6-year-old was overtired and over-hungry and did whatever he could think of to get his siblings even more riled up. I went back and forth between telling them if they didn’t behave they would go sit in the car (an empty threat to be sure) and trying to ignore their behavior to see if it would stop. I was embarrassed in front of my father, the waitress, and the other diners, and upset that the kids were so out of control. At the end of the meal, we left a big tip and I apologized to the waitress. She looked at me as if I had three eyes and asked me what I was talking about. She said that compared to other kids they were unbelievably well behaved. My father told me I was blowing their behavior out of proportion and kept reminding me that they are little kids and that I might just be expecting too much. Were the waitress and my father being kind? (Or was the former just grateful for a large tip?) Was I in fact overreacting? Hard to tell. My husband wasn’t there to provide a reality check. How do you know whether it’s time to pack up the kids and call it a night or whether you need to take a deep breath and gain some perspective?
A few weekends ago, when it was 60 degrees here on the east coast and winter seemed like a thing of the past, I bought my son a bike helmet. I went back and forth about the decision and wondered if I was beginning my journey down the road of becoming “that mom.” My neighborhood has what my husband and I refer to as bike gangs. Large groups of boys that ride their bikes everywhere — from the baseball field and playground at one end of the neighborhood to the corner store at the other. They all appear to be between the ages of 8 and 11 or so, and none of them wear helmets.
The reason I hemmed and hawed is because my son is only 19 months old. I know they wear helmets at the center, but those tricycles are further off the ground. At home, he has two small “bikes” that are less than a foot off the ground — but he’s very clumsy. Most of the time, I wish I could put a helmet on him indoors when he’s walking and tripping over everything from his own two feet to the dog. We’ve already had our fair share of bumps on the head and even one black eye. Since I have visions of us enjoying our back yard and driveway all summer while I’m out on maternity leave, I decided to get the helmet, hope he leaves it on, and hope it starts him on a lifetime of wearing one while biking, skateboarding etc.
Then, this story about Natasha Richardson comes out and for me, it validates my decision. Like many adults taking beginner ski lessons, she wasn’t wearing a helmet. Her accident was a freak one and I feel for her friends and family. She was on the bunny slope WITH an instructor! I don’t know if wearing a helmet would have helped her, but I think with my son, I’m not going to take that risk. I’ll walk the fine line between overprotective and cautious and encourage my little Lance Armstrong to sport his newest accessory while riding his trike.
Dairy-free, egg-free, soy free:
Note: some of these products may contain soybean oil and/or soy lecithin, which can be tolerated by many, but not all, soy-allergy sufferers. Also, always check the ingredients to ensure they meet your own dietary needs/allergy restrictions, keeping in mind that product formulations can often change without notice.
We had to use the urgent care/after hours services at our pediatrician’s office last weekend. Everyone is fine, but Commuter Girl needed to get checked out, and it couldn’t wait until Monday.
So, Sunday night, we headed out to the doctor’s office and saw a family practitioner who is a member of our network. If I hadn’t felt like it would be an inappropriate time to give feedback, or that my daughter’s care may have been compromised by my comments, here’s what I would have said to Dr. A during our visit.
Don’t hide behind your laptop. You came into the exam room and didn’t even look at us as you sat down and started typing and searching on your computer. The first 5 minutes of our time together you seemed to be browsing through what I am guessing was some kind of medical resource or a database of symptoms. Or, were you updating your Facebook status while we were telling you what was going on with our daughter? I know this wasn’t really a “clear cut” case, but you gave me no confidence in your ability to diagnose my daughter. You spent no time getting to know us or making my daughter comfortable with you. It’s no wonder she wouldn’t stick out her tongue and say “ahhhh” when you asked. Technology is great -- and I love the fact that all of our doctors are in the same network and can easily pull up notes and information from each other. But, there is a time and a place for your laptop. You are treating a person. Put the laptop aside for a moment and talk to me.
I am in the communications business, and I have read, watched and listened closely to countless news stories, worked with Pulitzer Prize-winning journalists, and yet have never been moved by a story more than this one from the Washington Post. It’s called Fatal Distraction and chronicles the lives of parents who have suffered the tragedy of losing a child who was forgotten in the car. It should be required reading for all parents, and especially for anyone who judges parents. Read it when you have the time to devote to it, and read the whole thing.
My daughter has been interested in science related things recently. I’m sure Curious George and Sid the Science Kid have had something to do with it. But mostly, I think her interest is due to all of the science that they have been doing in her preschool class.
When I dropped her off at school last week I was able to stay for a few minutes and the teacher demonstrated one of the activities so that my daughter could tell me about it. They made a volcano in a jar. Of course, it was a purple volcano because my daughter got to choose the color. Then they told me all about how they made eggs they could bounce. Really. They soaked eggs in vinegar; the acid in the vinegar causes the shells to become soft allowing you to “bounce” them. Of course that is until one of the children drops it on the floor and it breaks.
As I was leaving I read the parent board and saw pictures of their experiment with water displacement. The children counted pennies as they dropped them into a bowl of water until the water overflowed. It took 200 pennies. I’m not sure which part of that activity impresses me more – the fact that they counted to 200 or that they are learning about water displacement.
I can’t wait to find out what I will learn from my 3-year old and her preschool teacher next week.
My kids absolutely love the party favors they get at their friends' birthday parties. They tear open the bags before we even make it to the car and start digging into the candy. They are downright gleeful over the plastic toys, though they’re all usually lost in the bottomless pit of our car before we make it home. I, on the other hand, am not a huge fan of said favors. I prefer to decide if and when my kids get candy, and the toys seem like a waste. So when my 4-year-old daughter was celebrating her birthday this weekend with 20 of her classmates and friends, I wanted to think out of the bag, so to speak. I did some searching on the Web and found a great site, www.teacherwide.com, that has a huge array of books and other educational materials at a great discount. My daughter and I are both big fans of the Charlie and Lola series and we found a few different choices on the site. I was able to get two books per child...at the SAME price I would have spent on the party bag. Wrap them together with a big bow, and voila, a beautiful party favor that child and parent can both appreciate.
I get a newsletter from Seventh Generation. In the most recent issue, there was an article entitled Talking to Children About the Dangers of Toxic Cleaners. I’m all for non-toxic cleaners and am slowly replacing all the cleaners, soaps etc. in my house with non-toxic versions as they run out. Since my son isn’t even two, we don’t really talk about why we choose certain cleaners…nor do I really plan to. I can’t get through the grocery store without him pulling things off the shelf, reaching into the back of the cart and dropping things out, or kicking off one of his shoes, so I just don’t see myself stopping to talk to him about the labels on cleaning products. I also don’t know about the suggestion of telling your children that some families think regular cleaning products are fine but that we’ve done research and have decided not to take chances with our cleaning product. I am just envisioning my child, sitting at his grandparent’s dinner table or at a friend’s, and when they bring out the Clorox wipes to clean up, saying “My mommy says she did research and those wipes are poison. Do you want to get sick and die?” Kids do say the darndest things, and it almost feels like I would be teaching him to judge others that don’t make the same lifestyle choices as we do. Many people can’t afford or don't want to use the non-toxic cleaners or organic food, but they shouldn’t be lectured for that.
If you are looking to replace popular cleaning products with non-toxic, this is a great one stop shop for starter kits. It offers a variety of brands so you can figure out which ones you like.
The term BFF – Best Friends Forever – and used primarily by young girls -- sounds so full of love and hope and optimism about the future. And yet to me, it always seems to scream of a blissful naiveté – those poor girls have no idea of what’s to come in the complex world of adolescent and then adult relationships. I myself moved three times before I was 6 years old, and have no regular friendships that stretch back beyond high school. I can’t even remember the names of more than one or two kids I went to elementary school with. But ever since my daughter started at Bright Horizons, I myself have been indulging in the BFF fantasy.
She has two friends, one girl and one boy, with whom she is so close that everyone knows they go together -- three peas in a pod, three musketeers. They were in the same infant room together and are in the same toddler class. They shriek with glee when they unexpectedly find each other on the sidewalk on the way into school; they talk about each other constantly; they find instant comfort in one another when they meet in a new or strange place for a playdate or birthday party. I’ve had the fantasy of my daughter and her little boy friend walking down the aisle together, their other friend as Maid of Honor. How nice that I already know and really like his parents, and hers too. It will make for such wonderful Thanksgivings once we’re all adults. But my dreams are crushed when I realize we live in three different towns and our little ones won’t go to school together. They’ll probably forget all about each other by the first grade and I’ll have to mourn the loss of the friendship all by myself. But I just met a dad whose daughter went to a Bright Horizons center near his wife’s office. He told me that his daughter made such good friends there, that they moved to that town to be closer to her friends (and theirs) and now, at the ripe old age of 6, she’s still BFFs with her Bright Horizons buddies. I love our town so do you think I can get the others to move? After all , it is a buyer’s market!
Best baby shower gift? An industrial sized bottle of Shout stain remover. Most new Moms have no idea how badly they’ll need it to fight spit-up and poop stains. Of course, this is no substitute for a cute outfit, toy, or baby gear, but after the baby is born, you’ll be thanked more for this than any other gift you give.
My 6-year-old son needs glasses. A couple of weeks ago I got an urgent call from the school nurse that my son had failed the school vision test. It came as a surprise, since he had never said anything to us about his eyesight, but then again given that his eyesight is all he’s ever known, he probably had no idea anything was amiss. Every day since we received the call, my son has been asking when he could get the glasses. He’s been wearing plastic sunglasses around the house, which he claims help him see better, and he’s been boasting to his younger sister that he gets to wear glasses and she doesn’t. (Of course she could boast right back that she gets to wear hearing aids and he doesn’t, but so far she’s kept quiet on that one.) So last night we went to choose the glasses and this evening we will pick them up, which means tomorrow he wears them to school. You would think he was getting a new puppy or a fancy bike, given how excited he is. I, on the other hand, am terrified. I am so scared that the kids in his class, on the bus, or at his after-school program are going to make fun of him. I remember how cruel kids can be, and the thought of anyone laughing at him or calling him “four eyes” makes my stomach turn. I don’t want to take the wind out of his sails. I want him to think the glasses are cool and be thrilled that the world is suddenly in focus. I hope I’m underestimating his peers. I just wish I could go to school with him tomorrow and hold his hand all day long...if nothing else, that would give the kids something legitimate to make fun of.
A while back, I mentioned I was having discipline problems with my son and thought about reading The Happiest Toddler on the Block. Even though I knew I wouldn’t finish it in the allotted three week period, I took the green approach and took it out of the library. I was only able to get half way through, and couldn’t renew it because it was on reserve.
I didn’t like the book as much as I thought I would. I really enjoyed The Happiest Baby on the Block, and found it to be helpful. The beginning of Toddler made a lot of sense to me. It referred to toddlers as cave people (in the most loving way possible) and talked about the development of the right and left halves of their brains. It showed a great “map” of a child making his way around a classroom at 18 months old and it was basically a big scribble (picture Pig Pen from Peanuts). As the child gets older, his path becomes less chaotic because it’s more planned out. This all makes total sense to me. The part I didn’t relate to was the section on Toddlerese. This is basically talking to toddlers using short sentences that they will understand. Dr. Karp points out that we do this when our child is not upset (“Good walking. Hooray!”) so it seems like it would be easy to do when the child is upset. But for me this is where the caveman analogy goes wrong.
Here is a sample conversation that Dr. Karp suggests:
Child throws tantrum because it’s time to leave the playground.
Mom: (stomping foot) Joey mad…mad, mad, mad. No leave playground. Want to play more but time to go home for lunch.
Joey: (looking at Mom with utter amazement that she understands him) Ok, Mommy.
They both go home for lunch.
I just can’t get around the Toddlerese. I know that long sentences and explanations get nowhere with toddlers, but I can’t picture myself standing on the playground mimicking toddler talk. I’m happy to say that my toddler’s behavior has calmed down a bit, but I think it’s because we’ve learned to understand each other a bit better.
The second half of the book talks about Red Light (dangerous, must be stopped), Yellow Light (annoying) and Green Light (positive) Behaviors. This is the part of the book I didn’t get to, but am interested in hearing about. If anyone has read this portion of the book, I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Notice to Moms everywhere: You are NOT your child and your child is NOT you! Why the rant? I have begun to notice the creep of a disturbing new phenomena. On Facebook, the company intranet, a “get to know you” book distributed to colleagues, mothers everywhere are posting profile photos of their children where they are meant to be showing people who they themselves are. I understand that for many people, myself included, being a mother defines you. It changes who you are at your core, what is important to you, and how you live your life. But let’s get real. Aside from a few more wrinkles and some extra gray hair, it doesn’t change your actual face. I fully understand posting photos of yourself in these forums posed with your child or your family. I do that myself. It says to people who don’t know me that in addition to being your colleague, your classmate, your former associate, your ex-girlfriend, I am also a happy mom who is proud of my little girl. But I worry about people who post a photo of their child, and only their child (or children), instead of themselves. Sure it may be a convenient way to get around the fact that you have no flattering photos of yourself, but it seems in reality to be a deep denial of the fact that you also have your own personal identity. Plus, it’s really inconvenient for the rest of us. When you post of photo of your child (or your dog for that matter) on the company intranet, I do not get the information I need to know that the person I talk to every day on the phone is the same person with whom I’ve been making small talk on my way to the ladies’ room. And when you do the same on Facebook or Twitter I don’t get to see that you morphed from the bookish girl I knew in high school into a beautiful fashionista today. Men don’t tend to do this, and I call on mothers everywhere to follow their lead. Be proud of yourself, who YOU are, and put YOUR best face forward.
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