Modern Mom: Being Mindful of Adoption

The other day I brought my two oldest kids to their friends’ house for a play date with some friends from school. After bringing them inside and getting a quick tour of the house, the friends’ father and I engaged in a few minutes of small talk. I mentioned that his youngest daughter looks just like her mother. He agreed, and pointed out that the oldest is a replica of him. “Our middle child,” he said with a chuckle, “doesn’t look like either of us. We adopted him.” Well I happen to know that their middle child is not in fact adopted. So I did not see any humor in his “joke,” particularly because my children all are adopted. What’s more, they were standing beside me and quite likely heard his attempt at humor, though I’m sure they didn’t recognize it as such. They probably thought the child in question was adopted, and the next time they see him they may well be excited to talk to him about their special bond as adopted children. I came so close to calling him on it…to saying, “Really? I had no idea. That’s so great. My kids are adopted too.” I wonder what he would have said. I only wish I had actually said it so I could have found out.

The next day my son and I were at a child-parent event at our synagogue. Several parents didn’t show, leaving their kids to fend for themselves at the interactive activity. The woman leading the program asked all of the kids whose parents weren’t there to raise their hands and requested that the parents in attendance each “adopt” one of the children whose hand was raised. My son looked at me quizzically and I explained to him what she meant. I think he was concerned that we might actually bring another kid home to live with us.

I’m not one of those people who gets upset about the Humane Society’s adopt-a-pet drives, and it’s never touched a nerve when I’ve heard about companies adopting a portion of a highway, but the lighthearted use of the term “adopt” is always a sharp reminder to me that people whose lives haven’t been changed by the miracle of adoption frequently just don’t get it.