New Mom: A Comedy of Errors

The scene: a frigid January morning. Our first day back to the center after two days being home with a sick toddler. The TV nearly worn out from overuse.

5:50 a.m.: “Mommy, want Mommy,” the toddler continues to wail, even while lying on top of Mommy.

6:30 a.m.: Toddler is on the couch, eating a popsicle, watching Curious George, to be followed by several episodes of Super Why.

7:15 a.m.: A freshly showered, shaven, and dressed Daddy arrives downstairs. “Hurry,” he says to Mommy. “I need to be in the office by 8:00.” Dumbstruck, having been given 15 minutes notice to shower (which she hasn’t done in two days), make-up, and dress — or leave her daughter unsupervised after Daddy took 45 min+ to get ready himself — Mommy fumes upstairs to the bathroom.

7:30 a.m.: Showered, dressed, and yet still barely awake, Mommy battles to get the toddler, who doesn’t understand why she can’t continue to wear her popsicle-stained pajamas, dressed, hair in ponytails, shoes tied.

7:45 a.m.: Hurray, they’re running early, and Mommy may actually get a parking spot at work. She packs up the toddler’s lunch and grabs coats, hats, and mittens from the closet.

7:55 a.m.: Mommy smells poop. She changes the toddler’s diaper, only to spill its contents out, requiring a change of pants for the toddler. Thank goodness there is a clean pair in the dryer. However, Mommy still can’t shake the stink of poop. She searches and searches to find the culprit, only to realize she has not yet thrown out the dirty diaper. Their head start on the day is rapidly fading.

8:15 a.m.: Finally headed out the door, banana in hand, the toddler warns, “Careful Mommy, it’s slippery.” “Not too slippery,” Mommy responds. “Most of the ice has melted away.” The toddler proceeds to slip on the single patch of ice remaining on the driveway. As Mommy scoops her up, the banana hits the car door and breaks off. Mommy attempts to throw it into the wide open garbage can. Instead, it hits the downspout and ricochets off the garage door. Amazingly, the toddler is satisfied to be able to keep the remaining half of the banana. They pile into the car, the toddler takes one bite of the banana and pronounces, “Don’t like it Mommy.”

The day has just begun.

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