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I would call myself a “girly girl.” I like make-up, I like to go shopping (although, these days I prefer internet shopping to going to the store), I love to hang out with girlfriends. One of the things I miss about college is having friends to share clothes with. Imagine my surprise when I discovered I’m sharing my closet with my 2 ½ year-old daughter! Commuter Girl doesn’t really like to play dress-up. I got her an amazing princess dress last year that she has hardly touched. But, she LOVES to walk around the house in my shoes. She has one particular pair the she is fond of – I guess they fit her little feet the best. She wears them around the house all night. Last week she put them on and said, “Bye Mommy. I goin’ to check e-mail and go to work.” Adorable, but here’s the problem: they are my only pair of spring heels that are work appropriate. Last week I was rushing to get out the door (what else is new?!) and was slowed down by a complete meltdown because I was wearing HER shoes. So, aside from adding a few extra minutes to my morning routine to allow for meltdowns and still being able to get on the road and beat the morning traffic, I think I’ll buy some new spring shoes. Sounds like a good excuse for a little shopping.
Simple question — What would you do?
I was in the parking lot at the grocery store this weekend. I had just put my groceries and over-tired daughter in the car. I was pulling out of the parking spot when I realized that in the Subaru next to me there was a boy who looked to be about 3 years old, fast asleep and alone. A quick scan of the car and the parking lot turned up no apparent parent. I wanted to just stay and wait until someone returned, but New Girl was screaming in the backseat. I didn’t call the police. Should I have? Maybe the child was sick and Mom was running in to quickly pick up medicine at the pharmacy and didn’t want to disrupt a delicate sleep. Police intervention could have caused this mother to have her child removed from her custody. Would that have been right? Since becoming a parent I have a new appreciation for the variety of ways in which families go about their lives, what they think is safe, and was causes them concern. But in this case I just don’t know. What would you have done?
This morning I woke up to a rhythmic song on my alarm clock…or so I thought. It didn’t seem like it could possibly be 6:00 already, and when I blearily checked out the time I discovered that I actually had another hour to sleep. But the music kept me awake and I couldn’t figure out where it was coming from. Had I left the TV on? Did one of the kids turn on the stereo? When the music coughed, I realized that the noise was actually coming from my 3-year-old daughter, who was camped out in her sleeping bag at the end of our bed. And so it begins. When my son was 3, and even for a while when he was 4, he came into our room most nights and slept on the floor. At first we’d get up and bring him back to his bedroom. But after several round trips each night and not much sleep for anyone, we figured it was easier simply to let him stay. Eventually he grew out of it, and his night-time visits stopped. I want to teach my children to spend the whole night in their own room. I want them to get used to comforting themselves when they wake up in the middle of the night. But I also really want to sleep. Should I nip the “family bedroom” in the bud or just take on a “the more the merrier” attitude?
One of Commuter Girl’s new favorite games is hide and seek. Granted, she always hides behind the same bush in the yard, and she stands to the side so she can see you “looking” for her. But she squeals with delight when you find her at last. She has a lot of hiding places in the house. No, not in closets or behind doors. Not rolled up in the curtains or under the desk. She can hide in the middle of our living room. In just about any spot in her room. It isn’t even a challenge to find a hiding place in the family room. Why? Because we have so much STUFF! How in earth did we end up with so many stuffed animals? We need to read a new book every day for the next 6 months to get through her library. There are enough puzzles to share with her entire toddler room…and each toddler could have two. We have more random trinkets that are stuffed in bags than I can count. Oh, and bags…she must have 12 tote bags in a variety of sizes. Don’t even get me started on the clothes! So, spring cleaning is in order. I hate to throw any of it away, so I’ve found a great consignment store and I think I might try www.freecycle.org. I would have a yard sale, but who has time?!? I am implementing a new rule based on Negative Crap Flow. If something new comes into the house…two things must leave – and they must be of equal or greater size than the new item. Wish me luck. If I don’t show up for work on Monday, you’ll know why…I’m buried under a pile of stuff.
A recent study just came out about babies and sleep and guess what? The more sleep your baby gets, the better. And guess what else? If your child doesn’t get enough sleep, they may have problems associated with sleep deprivation, such as higher anxiety levels, stress, and depression. Well, knock me over with a feather. It couldn’t possibly be that children who are already disposed to anxiety, stress, and depression subsequently have trouble sleeping, could it? The study seems to ignore this possibility and many other life factors that may contribute to sleep problems. But, what really bothered me about the study — or perhaps more accurately, the news reports about the study — is that it vilifies parents who comfort their children to sleep and do anything more than put their baby in a crib at 5 months old and just walk away.
Admittedly, my skepticism about the study was fueled by a sound bite from an expert on ABC World News’ coverage of the study who said, “The problem begins when parents hug and rock their babies to sleep.” In the word’s of another ABC News reporter, John Stossel, “Give Me a Break!” I’m all for getting your baby to sleep through the night, and for getting her to be able to comfort herself to sleep on her own. In fact, I’m very proud of the fact that we’ve gotten New Girl to sleep through the night, and we suffered the difficult sleep training it took to do it. As for falling asleep on her own, that happened much more gradually. I LOVED hugging her and rocking her to sleep, and so did she. But it took months of gradual steps at a much older age before we were both ready to give it up. I know that sleep is good for babies and the ability to self soothe is an important skill for all children. I’m not sure any of us need a major research study to teach us that. But what I’m sure we don’t need is another group of researchers offering a one-size-fits-all solution, packaged to maximize headlines, without regard for the added anxiety, stress, and more sleepless nights they’ve heaped upon millions of loving, caring parents who do the most natural thing in the world when they hug and rock their babies to sleep.
Modern Mom has big news — we’ve adopted another baby. Our latest addition is the happiest child I’ve ever met. He smiles easily and broadly, lighting up the room and warming my heart. But I’m afraid all that’s about to change. My three-month idyll has come to a close, and it’s time to go back to work. That means baby will join his big sister at child care, which is a fabulous turn of events for her but not so much for him. In fact, his first day there he was inconsolable. The source of his angst? Not separation anxiety or fear of strangers. It was, in fact, watching another baby receive a bottle when it wasn’t my baby’s time to eat. Apparently, he’s a social eater (I don’t wonder where that came from!), and he just didn’t think it was fair that someone else could indulge if he couldn’t. So he cried and cried and the teachers couldn’t calm him down. Then help arrived in the form of my 3-year-old. Someone had the wonderful idea to bring her in from the preschool room. As soon as he saw her, he scurried right over and lay in her lap. (An interesting visual since despite the two year age difference he’s quite a bit bigger than she is.) If I couldn’t be there to soothe his soul and wipe his tears, I’m so glad my daughter could be. It gives me a huge sense of relief to know that they’re together each day…for the good times and the bad.
I am on the search for “somethin’.” In Commuter Girl’s world that means a snack. I think she must have heard me asking her if she wanted something to eat and now she just asks for “something.” It cracks me up what she picks up. Tonight she was flipping through a book and told me she had a b.a.t.h. Wow. I know, she got the word wrong, but she spelled it right!
Anyway, I digress. Commuter Girl gets in the car and immediately wants a snack. And, not just one snack, but multiple snacks. She’ll eat a little bit and then ask for “somethin’” else. I know I should probably offer her one thing and if she doesn’t want that she’s out of luck, but I’d rather not deal with the argument, to be perfectly honest. I’m looking for good car snacks that are reasonably healthy. Oh, and easy to clean up since a large percentage of the food will end up in Commuter Girl’s hair, on the floor, in the car seat, on the door, and on her hands.
We found some organic animal crackers, and she seems to like pretzel sticks. The big find recently was Late July’s organic bite-size cheddar cheese crackers. Raisins haven’t gone over so well — she’ll eat one or two and then move on. She loves popcorn, but I’m not a huge fan of her sitting in the back seat eating popcorn while I’m driving. I try to bring fruit, but other than grapes it just gets too messy. Maybe I’ll go to Whole Foods and just wander the aisles.
Like most moms, I believe I have an incredible daughter but have found juggling motherhood and working full-time to be very challenging. With my chatty 15 month old and a career I love, it’s hard to find a balance.
My daughter is in the process of transitioning into the toddler room. It’s definitely bittersweet. She needs to move up. She’s been bored lately in the infant program. In fact, her teachers think she’s eating all the time because she’s bored. Ugh! I love her infant teachers and I’m sure the toddler teachers will be fabulous too. The bitterness comes from realizing that my daughter is growing up so quickly as I’m driving home from work, writing this in my mind. I love being a working mom. I really do. But it’s times like these when I hate it, when I feel like I’m missing out on so much, missing out on my daughter’s life. The school does a great job of keeping me informed of her daily happenings. In fact, today I brought a picture into work of my daughter that I received from the school yesterday. She was walking down the hall from the infant room to the toddler room — like such a big girl. I kept looking at it though, holding back the tears. For our family, working allows us to live a fairly free lifestyle. We eat out when we want, we buy what we want (within reason of course), we vacation where we want, we rarely stress about money, and most importantly, we are constantly saving for the future — college AND retirement. The other plus is that my daughter is in a fantastic program. She is learning so much — so much more than I think I could ever teach her. She’s exposed to educational experiences that I know I would struggle to come up with if I were a stay-at-home mom. Knowing that is bitter. I look forward to the weekends where we can play, cuddle, giggle, and of course when I can receive unlimited kisses. Regardless of where she spends her weekdays, I believe she still thinks I’m the best storyteller, maker of animal sounds, person to squeeze inside a giant box with, peek-a-boo player, chef, fort maker, playmate, entertainer, and so on. Knowing that is sweet.
We’ve been going through teething hell, and I have a dilemma I’d love some input on – so I’m looking forward to lots of comments from all you lurkers out there. New Girl has been teething in the fiercest way. On Monday night, she did not sleep at all. She has been completely unable to eat anything (including bottles) other than a little applesauce and Pedialyte. She doesn’t have a fever, but is totally cranky and very uncomfortable. Her gums have even been bleeding. To the extent she’ll let me peek, I see at least four teeth coming in at once.
We’ve tried absolutely everything to provide relief, including Motrin, Tylenol, Orajel, cucumbers, frozen wet washcloths, teething rings, and everything else you can think of. Some of it works for a bit, but there still hasn’t been a great solution. On the peek day of this teething problem, there was no question I had to stay home with New Girl. There was no way she could have participated at the center. But day two is where my question comes. I had a lot of important work to get done and was facing major deadlines at the office. New Girl was much improved from the day before, but still refusing to eat anything other than applesauce. She had no fever but was still quite cranky. I thought she might enjoy the distractions that the center provides, but worried that she might also need more one-on-one attention. My question is simple. What would you do? Would you send her to child care or not?
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