NewMom: We are Family

A few weeks before Thanksgiving, my office collected employees’ sentiments about what we’re each grateful for this holiday season and posted them in the kitchen. I was surprised to see that almost everyone said they were grateful for family. Don’t get me wrong, I love my family, but sometimes loving them all is a struggle. Does no one at work have the same struggle with family dynamics that I do?

I have four sisters, and it is rare — never? — that all five of us are getting along with each other, let alone with our parents, at the same time. There are misbehaving nieces and nephews, battles over discipline, debate over who should host, who should travel, who should cook, and who hasn’t done their share of cleaning up. One sister calls only when she needs a favor; another only when she has complaints; yet another expects you to be there for her on a moment’s notice but is never there for you to lean on; and the fourth never calls at all.

So I sit down to think about what I am grateful for. And this is what I write: My daughter and my husband. Oh. THAT is my family. THAT is what people are grateful for. I am closer to 40 than I am to 30, and it is just now that I have figured out that it is not just my parents and siblings, but that NewDad, NewGirl, and I are a real, legitimate family of our own. So this holiday season I am grateful for health, a short commute, and yes, my family.

ModernMom: When to Part with Art

In a recent issue of Newsweek, Kathleen Deveny writes about what to do with the mountains of artwork her daughter produces. The article resonated loud and clear. I had been straightening my house in preparation for Thanksgiving, which essentially meant shifting items from several gigantic piles into smaller piles, when I realized I had approximately 752 pieces of “art” created by my two children. Figuring out what to keep and what to toss was the first challenge. But the bigger issue for me was determining where to put the whittled down 100 or so pieces I chose to hold on to.

The refrigerator door is already overcrowded with photos, invitations, and a random assortment of memorabilia. A folder wouldn’t work, since most of the pieces are oversized or three-dimensional. A scrapbook is a great idea — if only I could find someone else who has the time to put it together. So for now, my only solution is a couple of old boxes. It’s not fancy, but it’s free and easy.

ModernMom: Turkey Time

For the last 10 years or so I’ve been hosting Thanksgiving. The guest list ranges from 20-25 and the age of the guests ranges from 2-75. I prepare an embarrassingly huge feast of mostly traditional Thanksgiving fare with a couple of specialties thrown in. But here’s the rub: I really don’t like traditional thanksgiving food.

As a matter of fact, I have no interest in eating turkey and even less interest in preparing it. I don’t like removing the innards, I don’t like the fact that the turkey takes up the entire oven (requiring me to make a spreadsheet of how and when the other food will get cooked), and I don’t like having to baste it every 20 minutes hour after hour. So here’s my thought. Down the road from me is a turkey farm that sells fully cooked and ready to reheat roasted turkeys. I can even pick it up Thursday morning so I don’t have to worry about refrigerator space.

Is this cheating? What will my parents-in-law, who will be staying at my house, think of this yuppie-like solution? Will my kitchen still have that Thanksgiving smell? Most important, do I admit to my guests that though the turkey was home-made that it wasn’t made in my home? I think buying the turkey will give me more time to focus on preparing the other food, more energy to focus on my guests, and more of an opportunity to relax. If that isn’t something to be thankful about, I don’t know what is.

CommuterMom: Dogs Can’t do the Laundry

Stop multi-tasking. Are you kidding me?!? As a working parent multi-tasking is a necessity, not a choice. It happens everywhere. In the car I’m trying to catch the news and make a few phone calls. While I’m making dinner I’m trying to also make lunch and breakfast for the next day. When I’m getting CommuterGirl ready for bed I’m also doing the laundry (she loves to help “fold”). After she goes to bed I have to clean the house (or at least part of it) and catch up on Grey’s Anatomy (ok, so I could let Grey’s Anatomy go, but I really want to know what happens with George and Izzie). While I’m showering I’m thinking about my meetings for the day. The list goes on…

The suggested solution – delegate. Who am I going to delegate to? CommuterDad is doing his own multi-tasking, you can’t ask a toddler to make her own lunch, and the dog isn’t going to be much help!

ModernMom: Moving on Up

Drop-off today was a bit crazier than usual. I was running late and my daughter was especially clingy. She clutched me with all four limbs while I tried to gently remove her coat, put her lunch away, fill out her daily sheet, and make my way out of the room. In the middle of all this, her beloved teacher dropped a small bombshell: they’ve decided to transition my daughter from the toddler room to the preschool room a bit early.

I froze in my tracks. Preschool? With the big kids? Surely they must be mistaken. After all, she’s barely putting two words together, and she doesn’t turn 3 for several months. (In fact, she’s 2 years and 8 months so “a bit early” is just that…one month early.) My initial response was completely heartfelt and wholly irrational. I asked the teacher if she planned to transition along with my daughter. She reminded me that it doesn’t work that way. Then I asked about my daughter’s two best friends and was told that they’re several months younger so they won’t be transitioning for some time.

My husband says the transition will be a good thing; she’s been in the same room for a long time and the move might encourage her vocabulary development. She’ll be challenged by being around older kids and exposed to new people and different activities. He says she’s ready, and maybe he’s right. I, on the other hand, could stand another few months in the comfy, cozy, safe toddler room. In the end, of course, this has nothing to do with my comfort zone and it’s probably a good thing…otherwise I can only imagine the struggle she’ll face when she’s ready to head off to college.

CommuterMom: Lullaby

I remember being really tired when I was pregnant, I was tired when CommuterGirl was an infant and I was nursing every three hours at night. But, I’ve gotten used to getting a full night’s sleep and having an hour or two to myself while she naps in the afternoon.

I guess I shouldn’t have gotten too comfortable. CommuterGirl is on week three of a napping strike. Not a seven-day-a-week strike, just on the weekends. She has decided that if she is going to sleep in the afternoon it will only be in the car. How convenient!! She seems to go down for her nap at school without a fuss. Is it because all of her friends are napping too? I tried pretending I was asleep, and I told her daddy and the dog were both napping — didn’t work. Is it because she sleeps on a mat at school rather than in her crib? I tried putting a blanket on the floor with no luck.

Who wants to stay home all day with a toddler who hasn’t napped? Not me. So each day we have headed out to run errands or go to the park; two miles from our house CommuterGirl is happily asleep in her car seat. The only problem now, I can’t stop the car or she’ll wake up.